Are You Suffering From Low Self Esteem

Copyright (c) 2011 Willie Horton

One of my personal development clients telephoned me a few days ago and announced that his life was being destroyed by low self esteem. Having done my two day Workshop a couple of years back, he should have known better than to call me and start talking that nonsense - and he also should have known how I'd react. I explained what he already knew - he was talking nonsense and that he shouldn't be wasting my time! I asked him to call back when he had come to his senses - and then I put the 'phone down.

I don't know anyone who doesn't entertain (and that's clearly the wrong word!) feelings of inadequacy. And I've yet to meet anyone who is totally happy with who they think they are. Now I know that we all have good days and bad days. But, sometimes, one bad day can lead to a whole string of bad days to the extent that we end up feeling pretty low. Sure enough, how we think other people are treating us does play an important part in how we feel about ourselves - but you shouldn't really be bothered about what other people think of you, they don't! What you must realize is that all these other people, who are already burdened by their very own feelings of inadequacy, are actually worried about how you think of them!

More importantly, however, our perceived inadequacies and perceptions of low self esteem are not the product of how other people treat us in the present moment - they are nothing more than the product of how we think about who we are. These self defeating thoughts or limiting beliefs have nothing to do with what is going on in our lives at present - nor are they at all related with who we can really be. The bad things that we think about ourselves surface from the depths of our subconscious - and they're skulking around in your subconscious just waiting to attack when you're at your most vulnerable, when everything else is going pear-shaped too.

All of your most important self-learning, about who you think you are, was taken on board during your early childhood, during what we all commonly call our formative years. As you grew up - even into your teenage years - your subconscious mind was wide open to a whole variety of influences - to all the important things that other people did for you or to you. When you were a young child, your mind was sponge-like - it took everything in. Not only were you absorbed in what was going on - you were so absorbed that things that really caught your attention were impressed upon your subconscious mind. And, all these years later, they're still buried there.

Sadly, psychology tells us that we are more likely to dwell on the negative impressions in our subconscious mind than the positive ones - it's always easier to believe the bad stuff. And that means that, even though we're completely unaware of it because it's subconscious, these impressions from our childhood are always uppermost in our subconscious mind. Now, you could well be forgivin for thinking "so what?" But the fact is that your subconscious mind dictates your behaviour and creates your version of reality. In other words, your negative or self-limiting beliefs, which are all active in your subconscious mind, create the so-called reality of your present day life - today, as an adult. And that is why the normal adult can so easily fall prey to the misconception that they are prone to feelings of low self esteem.

They're not, of course - they just think that they are. Low self esteem is a trick of the mind. You could say, for that matter, that high self esteem is a delusion also - either way it all boils down to you thinking about yourself too much.

You need to stop thinking and start doing. If we tend to pay attention to our negative thoughts, we'd be better off having no thoughts at all! It couldn't be any simpler - when I day 'doing', that's what I actually mean - doing what you're doing - I don't mean trying to do things that will take your mind off your perceived low self esteem or make you feel better about yourself. I mean actually fully doing whatever it is you're doing now.

The normal mind's preoccupation with out-dated self perceptions means that it pays very little attention to the here and now. The result is that very little ends up getting done properly - little is achieved and our lives end up becoming the self-fulfilling prophecy that confirms that we were correct in harbouring those perceived inadequacies. You're going to have to prevent your subconscious being preoccupied with your past - to do this, you have to focus as much of your attention as possible on the reality of the present moment - whatever it is you're doing now. And just as I said to the client who called me, you must - and I mean this literally - come to your senses, all of them.

Your five senses are your only interface with reality. If you engage with reality, by using your five senses, you will stop paying subconscious attention to the thoughts that are making you feel bad about yourself. It's as simple as that. In other words, you've got to see, feel, hear, smell and taste the reality of the moment. You will not be able to do this as a matter of course. Instead, you will have to develop your ability to do it.

So, the minute you're finished reading these few words, take five minutes to simply be where you are and experience what's going on. See what's going on - don't judge it, just see it. Take care to hear the sounds that are all around you just now - become aware that, from one moment to the next, sounds arise and pass away. Actually feel how it feels to be where you are - how your clothes are brushing against your body. Inhale the aromas of the present moment - you'll always come across some aroman or other! And rub your tongue along your teeth to get the taste of the moment. Your mind is hard-wired to wander. So, when it does, simply observe and notice the night sight or sound that presents itself.

Feelings of low self esteem have nothing to do with reality. When you start feeling sorry for yourself, run your hand along the fabric of the chair your sitting in or along the wood of the table top your sitting at - forget all the nonsense that's going on in your head - all that negative stuff - and get in touch with reality.


------

Willie Horton enables his clients be highly effective, happy and successful. He launched his acclaimed Personal Development Seminars in 1996. His clients include Pfizer, Deloitte, Nestle, KPMG, G4S & Allergan. An Irishman, he now lives in the French Alps. His Online Personal Development Seminars are available at Gurdy.Net