You Want To Change Your Life But You're Afraid Of Change!

Copyright (c) 2011 Willie Horton

Have you ever met somebody who is completely happy with themselves and their lives? As far as I can see, from over fifteen years work in the field of so-called self improvement, everyone wants to change their lives or themselves. They might hate their job ' according to statistics a majority of people do. They might be worried about money ' again, most people are. But the more of it you have, the more of it you have to worry about! On the other hand, many people are obsessed with how they look or how they feel, what they weigh or what they'd like to weigh but never seem to get there. What really intrigues me though is that, although most people want to change their lives, most people are actually afraid of change! You can't have it both ways!

We are creatures of habit. That is how we are built. By the age of two months - yes, months, not years - we fall prey to what psychologists call habituation. When we get used to someone or something, we become immune to it, we stop paying it attention - the novelty has worn off. And by the age of two or three we have become aware of the dangers of seeking out new adventures, new situations, new people. And as we become 'mature' adults (although I don't know many 'mature' adults!) we tie ourselves down, box ourselves in. We call it our life - but we're really just going through the motions.

The really big downside to this process of habituation is that we stop paying attention to everything and everyone that becomes routine. What you must realize is that everything eventually ends up being routine - so, in the end, we don't pay attention at all. But here's the crucial point. Neuro-psychological research has determined that your potential for happiness and success - obviously, I assume that you want to change your life into a life where you'll be happy and successful - is directly related to your ability to pay attention.

The result of our inability to pay attention, the result of our repetitive behaviour and the impact of our understanding that there is inherent danger in new or unfamiliar things boxes us in to an existence that is a pale shadow of the life that we could be living. But ask the next person that you meet how they're doing and the chances are that they'll cheerily reply "Not too bad" or "Not so bad"! In my view, not too bad is not good enough - why bother wandering through your life being unhappy but not unhappy enough to do something about?

So, you have a problem! How are you going to change your life if you're afraid of change! However, you shouldn't upset yourself thinking about this paradox - because it is the human condition, it is the way we are. But that doesn't mean that it is the way you must stay. Why should you settle for an existence when the joy and excitement of a life truly lived are before your very eyes, if you'd go to the trouble of opening them? I've already mentioned that, as normal adults, we pay attention to nothing. I also mentioned that paying attention is correlated to your happiness. You've got to re-learn the skills that you used, as a child, to pay attention to what is actually going on here and now.

Ever heard the well worn saying that you've got to stop to smell the roses? Well, that's exactly what you've got to do. Normal everyday routine anaesthetizes the mind - we end up wandering through a senseless existence. You must stop being mindless, start being mindful - actually, you must come to your senses. I mean this literally - you really do have to stop and really smell the roses. You've got to really stop yourself in your tracks - call yourself to attention - and encounter the wonderful reality that is actually going on right in front of you. If you do, you will discover that your daily life is overflowing with the opportunities and possibilites that your otherwise numbed mind could not perceive. You've got to feel the heartfelt happiness of a special moment that the normal mind believes to be routine. You've got to wake up.

When - or if - you actually open your eyes you'll experience a merciful release. You will understand that there is no fear. You will actively want to pursue change to the extent that you'll go looking for it in the very detail of daily life. In finding it, you will realize how easy it is to actually change your life. What do I mean by this? Well, your life at present is the composite result of every little thing that you've done, half done or mindlessly not really done at all - going right back to when we were, perhaps, eight or nine years of age. Every single little thing that you've ever done in your life has brought you to where you are now. The point is it's the little things that you do that will change your life - not some big awe-inspiring, frighten-the-life-out-of-you daring change that you have to make. In other words, there's nothing to be afraid of.

So, if you want to change your life, here's a simple pointer. Make small changes first. Small changes disrupt your habituation and require that you begin to pay attention to what you're doing - however routine you might have thought what you're doing to be. For example, you could brush your teeth tonight with the hand that you don't normally use. Mess with your mind, your mind has been messing with you all your adult life - and it's got you to a far from ideal place. If you come to your senses, start paying attention to the little things in your life, you will find yourself effortlessly - yes, I said effortlessly! - beginning to make the bigger changes that you would normally otherwise fear. And once you start changing, you place yourself in a whole new world that, though there all the time, will open your eyes to life's possibilities and opportunities.


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Willie Horton enables his clients live their dream - since he launched his acclaimed Personal Development Seminars in 1996. His clients include major corporations: Pfizer, Deloitte, Nestle, KPMG, G4S & Allergan. An Irishman, he lives in the French Alps and travels the world as a much sought after speaker and mentor. He is the author of To Succeed Just Let Go and the creator of Gurdy.Net